What Is Dying?

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.
Then someone at my side says, "There, she is gone."
"Gone, where?"
Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at that moment when someone at my side says, "there, she is gone," there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad show, "here she comes!"

While those of us here on earth said, "there, he is gone", I can hear momma now saying to all our relatives and friends that are with her in glory, "here he comes."

I Don't Know What To Do

When I don't know what to do....
I lift my hands.
When I don't know what to say....
I sing Your praise.
When I don't know where to go...
I run to Your throne
When I don't know what to think...
I stand on Your truth.

Santa is still coming......

I was wide awake this morning at 5:45AM. I could have slept as late as I wanted too as I don't have anywhere to be until 1PM. When I awoke, I realized what today is and what tomorrow brings! Even though the past few weeks have been so very hard to deal with, Santa is still coming!!! I have a different perspective on this celebration as I enjoy Christmas more than any other time of the year. Without Christmas...there would be no hope! Jesus came into this world that I might have hope, that I might have life, that I might have eternity. Today more than ever....I have that peace that surpasses all human understanding. While it is hard to understand all that my sisters and I have experienced over the past few weeks with my dad, God understands not only where we are....but what my dad is going through. I pray for them and I pray for him.
As I lay in bed this morning, my mind raced back to Christmas past, especially those I remember as a child. I remember the BB gun when I was only 6 years old. Daddy set up a cardboard box in the basement and I would shoot and shoot. When the gun was empty, I would retrieve all the BB's from the box and start all over again. When I was about 10, spyder bikes were the rage and I got a new one for Christmas. It was special! 3 speeds, silver with a white seat that had flames on it. At 11, I got my first real gun...a single shot 410 shotgun. Daddy and I went squirrel hunting that afternoon. We didn't shoot any squirrels, but I felt like a real man walking in the woods with my dad that day. I still have that shotgun and think about that day every time I see it.
As I have grown older, Christmas has grown more and more special, but for a different reason. Now I am way more excited about giving than I am receiving. My most special gift is to just be with my family and watch the excitement they experience. Tripp & Makinley really put everything into perspective for me and when I look at them, I am reminded of how Scripture teaches us the special feelings Jesus had for the little children.
I am sitting here at the moment remembering my momma and the little things. That is what Christmas is all about.

The Hug!

There are some days you just need a hug! By the time I got home from Daddy's Tuesday night, I was definitely looking for one and my Debbie was waiting. The same thing happened at work on when I got back....not only did my group surround my dad and I in prayer, but they are full of hugs as well. I'm reminded that they are only able to love me because of who first loved us.
I listened to my dad on the phone last night for 1 hour and 37 minutes. I say I listened because I actually only said maybe 10 words. No doubt he is anxious, agitated, angry, and scared. The medicine has made him terribly aggressive, but I believe that if I could roll back the layers and the facade, I would see my dad is just awfully frightened. I wish there was a way that my sisters and I could help him deal with it better than he is, but I have come to the realization that none of this caught God by surprise. I have to turn it over to Him and be obedient to what the Holy Spirit encourages me to do to be a servant to my father.
Right now, I truly believe that the battle is spiritual am I am praying for heavenly protection from our guardian angels for my sisters and I that we may be protected from discouragement and frustration and be empowered to say and do all the right things going forward.

God Is Faithful

Do you ever have those days that you just wish you could go to sleep and not wake up until all the storms have passed? I have had a few of those days and to be honest, I did not handle them very well. As a believer, I know that during the tough times that God is always right beside me...helping me to persevere. I also know that I am still a work in progress and I have those times where I am blinded by the stresses of everyday life.
I have always been one that when I love you...I love you for life. There may be days that I don't like you a whole lot, but that doesn't change my love. I would do anything for those I love! There are those times when those who mean the most to us aren't very lovable and that is what I have experienced over the past few days visiting with my dad. I have had firsthand experience with someone's realization that they have a terminal illness. I have had firsthand experience with the terrible side effects of different medicines in combination. I have spent 3 1/2 days in mental misery trying to cope with something I don't understand.
On the other hand..I have seen God demonstrate his love in ways that my dad doesn't understand. He doesn't undersand how, at last count, he has received Chrsitmas cards and notes of prayer/encouragment from 36 different people. He doesn't understand the phone calls of support, paryer, and encouragement. He doesn't understand how the cashier at the grocery store where he has shopped for years stopped long enough to send him a christmas card. He doesn't understand how his son can be so emotional he can hardly speak because his father and hero only has a short time left here on this earth and how anxious he is to know that his father knows he can spend eternity in heaven.
It is a difficult time for my dad. It is a difficult time for my sisters...whom I love very much. It is a difficult time for our families as well because when we hurt...they hurt as well.
"He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds." Psalm 147:3

My Pops!

Some of you know that this time last week, my dad found out he had a tangerine sized tumor embedded in his spine. Things happened quickly when he was diagnosed. He immediately began radiation treatments and oral steroids. At this point he has had 7 radiation treatments and yesterday, had a scan done to determine if this awful disease was anywhere else in his body. If it is, he tells me he really doesn't want to know. His concern is comfort!
I'm heading to Wilmington on Saturday to spend a few days with him and take him to some of his treatments. We had already planned a trip down the week after Christmas with the whole family and we won't change that.
I'm still somewhat overwhelmed at what has transpired over the past week, but I know that none of this caught God by surprise. None of us know how this will all work out over the days ahead, but I do know my dad is strong and my dad is my hero. God is in the miracle business and my prayer is that his treatments will be effective and there will come that day that we can say, "thank you Lord for all that you have done."

Sunday School

My good friend, Bubba, asked me to stand in for him today and teach his Sunday School class. The lesson, Acts 4:32-37, tells us about the "grace of giving." It was a lesson on generosity and authenticity. As I studied last week to prepare for today, God raised many questions about my own life and where I stood in relation to the "grace of giving?"
I consider myself a "giver." However...when I give...do I give reluctantly or with a cheerful heart? When I give, do I give things that aren't wanted...such as advice???? When I give, do I put unspoken requirements on the recipient??
God has impressed upon me that I am still a work in progress. He is still chiseling away to make me more like Jesus. I'm thankful He has not given up on me. He is working on me and my attitude of forgiveness and understanding. He is impressing upon me why He allows bad things to happen to good people. He is helping me to continue to love those that are acting unlovable and doing things that I just don't understand. When I think about it....He is constantly holding up a mirror so that I can see clearly who I really am and contrasting it with who He wants me to be.
"We are saved by grace." Grace is God's unmerited favor. We don't deserve His grace. We can't be good enough or do enough good works to obtain His grace. There is only one way and that way is through Jesus. It doesn't matter how many SS classes we teach. It doesn't matter how many discipleship programs we participate in. It doesn't matter how many times we go to church. If we are counting on these things and our "goodness" to get us into heaven...woe be unto us. No, all we have to do is to pray....admit that we are sinners and can't save ourselves, repent or turn away from our sins, and ask Jesus to save us. Scripture says that if any man call upon the name of the Lord, he will be saved. Doesn't say a thing about being a "good" person. We can never be good enough.